Garam- means river in (pure) Korean.
People who get my name wrong
Baristas at Starbucks. Telemarketers. Checkout ladies at my local A+P. Table heads. Whoever checks us in for school meetings. People who know me through facebook. The occasional best friend or favorite teacher.
Annoying Things (dorm edition)
You attempt to pull the shade down all the way; but it bounces all the way back up instead.
You want to go to sleep; the vent in your room does not.
Waiting for the hall resident to close the door and retire
Spring term, you are tearing your hair out over a chemistry lab when you hear the sound of television coming from a proctor’s room.
Screaming faculty children going at a piñata on an early Sunday morning.
A feed is raging right outside your door when you’re on the verge of falling asleep.
The walls of McAlister seem to be made of paper.
Annoying Things (dorm bathroom edition)
Girls who think the bathroom is a mini nudist colony
Some things are left on the ground that Sandy should never have to see, nevertheless clean up.
Going in to take a January morning shower to discover the window has been left open overnight.
Vegetable supplement powder that has been poured down the drain (courtesy of the resident of room 113)
Being stuck, toilet-paper-less, in the leftmost stall
Annoying Things (technology edition)
Getting a password wrong more than two times in a row
Tweets that have clearly been painstakingly mapped out and planned.
When people say “lol” in spoken conversation without laughing or even cracking a smile
Autocorrect on iPhones
Relationship status changes on facebook
A paper that you have put hours into is inexplicably lost
People who always try to screenshot snapchats
“Your mailbox is almost full” e-mails- as if the last ten didn’t warn me well enough.
Things that make one painfully self-conscious
A dress that needs constant adjusting throughout the day
A nose that is dripping from congestion
Dry, white, exposed legs.
A recent (mediocre) haircut
Standing next to someone who is twice one’s height.
The presence of a former crush within a 10-m vicinity
Talking with a teacher who is infinitely more worldly than you
Annoying Things (classroom edition)
High-pitched noises in the classroom that the teacher, in old age, can’t hear
You lend someone a pencil then have to painfully witness him chewing on it
A teacher has been saying someone’s name incorrectly for too long to be corrected
Conversation hoarders
That one kid who always has to look on with someone else
The kid whose hand is up for longer than it is down (yes, that’s me)
Pencil-tappers
Leg shakers
Heavy breathers
Annoying people (no explanation needed)
That one friend who “never has her Greer card”
That one person who always asks questions he already knows the answers to
The friend who always takes jokes a step too far
The friend who expects you to make time for her when she never does the same
Annoying Things (Body Edition)
Nosebleeds. Fingernails that are ravaged from constant use of nail polish. Cowlicks. Continual sneezing. Dry elbows. Biting the same cheek two times. Sunburnt eyes. Chapped lips. Hands that are red and raw from the cold. Scarring from acne. Dry spots that are resistant to any kind of moisturizer.
The products on my dresser (a look into human vanity)
Cetaphil. Wei Golden Root mask. Sugar fresh. Murad Clarifying Body Spray. Clarisonic mia. fresh Umbrian clay. Clay Esthe shampoo. Ren micropolish cleanser. Señorita margarita philosophy shower gel. boscia pure purifying black strips. Naturemade adult gummies. bareMinerals concealer in Tan1. Neutrogena hand cream. Maybelline dream nude airfoam. Dove soap bar for sensitive skin. Pure grace body lotion. Nair silky sensations. Essie nail color in watermelon. Essiei nail color in maximillian strasse-her. Sephora super démaquillant yeux waterproof. Crest complete (whitening wih Scope). boscia green tea blotting liners. Brazilian 24 hours liquid keratin treatment. Murad acne spot treatment. Lorac front of the line PRO eyeliner. CLINIQUE chubby stick moisturizing lip colour balm. Hypnôse star show-stopping volume mascara. bareMinerals original powder in Tan. CLINIQUE moisture surge intense skin fortifying hydrator.
Embarrassing Things
You think that someone nice(-looking) is waving at you, and you fluster and return the favor, but he is actually waving to the person behind you
Someone points out that there is still a size tag on the shirt that you’re wearing
When someone knows your name but you don’t know theirs
You unwittingly spit on someone else’s face while talking, and then have to watch them disgustedly and pointedly wipe it off
A wipe-out on the field of ice between McAlister and the Koch in the beginning of February
Realizing you haven’t taken the price tag off of a gift as you hand it over
Voicemails left on the wrong machine
Things that can be eyebrow-raisers in other girls but tolerable in yourself
High-pitched screaming
Meaningless “Love ya” ‘s
The constant action of putting your hair up and down
Speaking the word “tan”
Plunging necklines and skin-hugging skirts
Speaking ill of a close friend
Things I wish I didn’t do
Pick at the skin around my fingernails. Get food stuck in my teeth easily. Slump. Dress too thinly for the weather. Self-deprecate. Set my alarm for five minutes later, five times over.
Things that smell better than they taste
Apple cinnamon tea.
Just mostly apple cinnamon tea.
Things that give a Pathetic Impression
The open-mouthed expression of a girl putting on mascara
The question, “Do I look Deerfield right now?”
People who are miserably inept at air-sipping
Things I should have learned before it was too late
How to pronounce colonel
The impermanence of being in someone’s favor
When proctors have to leave, proctors have to leave
Things that are a struggle
Monday mornings
Doing work during 4th period free on Thursdays
Choosing to work ahead when you could be spending an easy night in the Greer
Pushing the heavy veil of sleep away and working into the night
Things that I should really invest in but probably never will
A backpack whose straps don’t leave my shoulders red and raw
A hard cover for my laptop
Another pair of flats
A non-leaky water bottle
A Deerfield baseball cap
Learning how to use Excel
Things that feel strange
Seeing people who don’t belong on campus on campus
Hearing your voice on tape
Discovering a childhood friend has grown to be attractive
Coming to terms with the fact sometimes you’re not going to be the very best
Realizing your teacher has a life outside of the classroom
Thinking about how people in your grade are going to be proctors, cheerleaders, and varsity captains in the very near future.
Things on campus that make me miss my dogs
Squirrels
The first snow
Perfect spring days without too much sun
The feeling of soft grass underneath my toes
The smell of barbecue
The sight of Dr. Curtis and Friday
Things that are said too often (by girls)
Bitch,
Shut up!
Like,
I hate you.
How do I look,
Tan?
Go kill yourself
I want to kill myself
Literally, like,
Actually,
I love you.
I was like,
And then she was like,
And then I was like,
Oh my God.
Shut up!
Things that bring utter contentment
Cookies.
Particularly sugar cookies.
The sound of a raging storm (from the safe side of the window)
Walking to extra help on a dark night with music pounding in your ears
Hot coffee in your hands at a music-filled Albany Road coffeehouse (surprise, surprise)
“Working” outside on the first perfect spring Sunday
The prospect of seeing home for the first time in three months
The feeling of a four that is perfectly set after a start
Idling around, syncing new music to an old phone
A moment of perfect harmony and dynamics in an a cappella song
The utter chaos of Scroll layout week
The first drink of water in the morning
The feeling of your fingers laced through the fluffy coat of a well-loved dog
Things that used to feel infallible
Parents.
Things that are amusing
Counting the number of “like”s a girl says in a given period of time
Girls JV hockey
Poorly executed British accents
The question, “Are you from North Korea?”
A boy who is clearly very self-aware of his looks
The population that lives in the lower floor of the gym
Things that cause you to smile and nod
Stories about distant family members one barely knows and hardly cares about
A blow-by-blow account of a close friend’s day
Conversation about a sport you’ve watched maybe once in your life
Freshman complaints about how much work they have
How I want to answer questions
“Will you go to the Greer with me?”
Honey, dear, you are perfectly capable of sustaining yourself through a full 45 seconds of solitude.
“Do I look okay?”
You look however you want me to say you look. And anyway, why does no one ever ask, “do I look beautiful?” or “how good do I look?”
“Did you study for that test?”
No, I didn’t, because I don’t care and because nobody here cares ever about grades and all of us just laze around before the biggest test of the term in this class.
Things I thought would never change
The time I always used to have to write
My favorite color being blue
Things that are unconditional
The proctor-proctee bond
The sincere support of a mother
A fan’s love for a sport
Your desire that your baby siblings will succeed in all they put their minds to.
Things that are awe-inspiring
The last 250m of every Deerfield boys 1st boat race
The sudden clarity of everything during the biggest flash of the thunderstorm
The sight of the valley stretching away from the tip of the Rock
The expanse of flawless blue sky that stretches like a dome over campus
The smiles and cooing of a newborn child
Taboos at Deerfield
Wearing the same outfit for two days in a row (with the exception of a Sunday sit-down and the following Monday class)
Boys wearing jeans (with the exception of hoedown)
Skipping class for the sake of skipping class (with the exception of senior skip day)
Senior girls hooking up with underclassman boys (with the exception of the boy being a repeat sophomore)
Things that are Dangerous
Running down stairs with a backpack half your weight (it really will send you flying)
Heels more than 3 inches tall
Speaking ill of someone (no matter how discreet it may seem) in a public place
Wearing a short skirt on the glass staircase of the Koch
Being spotted conversing in a friendly manner with the ex of a close friend
Squirrels
Falling asleep in the bath
Hot tea in a thin paper cup
Things that make one feel uncomfortable
Involuntary solitude
You overhear someone you recently decided you liked back-talking you.
A sickly warm breeze on a sweltering summer day
People who gush over you
Friends who make promises you know they won’t keep
Things that are just gross.
The sound of someone gulping water. An unflushed toilet that no one has the courage to take care of. Finding a ‘surprise’ in the grass while walking barefoot. White chocolate after the first three bites.
Things I thought I would never grow to love
Lana del Ray. The smell of someone who smokes. Clocks that run fast. Being up to the neck in water. Mr. Miller. The American national anthem. The idea of salad. Clams.
Things I will never grow to love
Steamed broccoli. People who are more self-absorbed than even they give themselves credit for. People who speak with too many hand gestures and inflections in their voice. Head colds.
Things that are lovely
The word “lovely”
Favors done without the expectation of being returned
Favoritism- When it's in your favor
Returning to your room to discover someone has picked up your E+R for you
An encouraging Post-It on your door on one of your low days
The silent squeeze of a hand
Laughter without constraint, laughter without self-consciousness
Things that are Liberating
Crying your feelings out.
Words that are hard to say
Rural
Things that are frightening
The prospect of having to grow up
The thought of leaving Deerfield
The college application process
The proximity of junior year
When repressed feelings find their way out. All at once.
People who don’t easily get mad getting mad
How easy it is to lose someone important to you
Things that are always disappointing
Greer dances. Philly cheesesteaks. 3-quels.
Powerful motivators
Peer pressure
The threat, “Do you want to grow up to be a garbageman”
The promise of home in less than a month
The thought that you only have to go through high school once
The desire to outdo an annoying classmate
The want to be in an admired teacher’s favor
The want to invest in yourself
Things that are aggravating
A sneeze that has been on the verge of coming out for minutes
Someone who clearly wants something from you but chooses to beat around the bush
How many times we’ve had cold chocolate chip muffins as our proctor night feeds
Guilty pleasures
Being the confidant of two fighting friends
The Real Housewives of New Jersey
Half a buff chick between two periods of chemistry
Words that feel misspelled after being read repeatedly
tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree treee tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tre tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree.
Or maybe it’s just me.
Things that just shouldn’t be worn
White spandex. The colors of another school. College sweatshirts before all admissions results come out. Sports bras under thin shirts. Dresses that would reveal your butt if you raised your arms.
Things that get students unnecessarily riled up
Thunderstorms. Head of School Day rumors. Dress code. Sit-down meal menus. The number of times Dave Keith has spoken at school meeting. Greer dances.
Things that students don’t get riled up enough for
Presidential elections (nation-wide or school-wide).
Things that only parents show up for
JV Girls Hockey games
Things that never existed
Friends who never back-talk each other. Investment club meetings. My love for things with more than four legs.
The Dining Hall
Casual conversation, automated answers to polite questions, jackets and ties and dresses on dresses on dresses that are too short but who cares when it’s officially spring outside, and the light light is streaming in from the huge windows that reach up, up into the great cavern that is the arching ceiling of this room, this hall of students on students on teachers on first waiters who are late, last in line and struggling to carry the tray, laden with chicken or some kind of a casserole, veins straining against the skin of the arms that carry the burden of the meal and it’s called sit-down but the first waiter barely sits down before the second waiter gets up and starts pulling things away from people, eager to get it done, to get away from the table if the conversation’s been sparse or choppy, while the moment the table head pulls away from the table the shoulders loosen up, everyone’s talking more easily about how it’s easier to talk more easily about anything at all when the table head’s not there, girls picking at their salads, talking about how they “love edamame” and the passing of everything, of sploshing water and too-small servings of vegetables and rolling peas and turkey, oh that turkey’s so good, soft and tender and warm, like the yellow tendrils of light that reach down from the huge lanterns that hang from the ceiling, which you know everyone’s wondered at one point or another what would happen if they fell, onto the six hundred and something prepsters who sit under their heavy forms, fighting to get dessert, a.k.a. a chance to get up and stretch their legs and bring back their favorite cake, ah the soft fluffiness of banana cake or the crispiness of well-done apple crisp, the Deerfield version of apple pie, mushed together like we all are mushed together, yes that was a metaphor because we love talking about diversity and ‘student culture’ and the ‘student-administration’ relationship when really it’s just all a big mass of people, the sounds coming from their mouths filling up the hall, bouncing off the walls, overwhelming the ears, but miraculously dying down for the line, the never-ending line of Sunday night announcements, of club meetings on required class meetings on invitational speakers who you realize now you have to listen to speak, it’s required for your AP class, you should’ve skipped this meal and done work but oh well it’s too late and that random kid at the end is saying, please rise for the Deerfield evening song and you push yourself up and out of the chair, standing and singing with a voice strenuously controlled so that you don’t stand out too much or maybe you’re lip-syncing, half of us must be, because the senior part sounds so much softer than it did last year, and you think about the senior classes of the past years and how many of these Sunday sit-downs you’ve been to and jeez that’s a lot of time eating and listening to other people sing the senior part, which ends on a whisper but fear not, “Deerfield days are days of glory” ring out loud, true, and clear, in a sudden surge of relief that the song is over and happiness that Deerfield is two syllables and alliterates with "days," if it didn't it probably wouldn’t sound as good and good God, the crowd is starting to move and whisks you away with it, everyone waddling like the stuffed little penguins they are out of the dining hall, out into the warm breeze of a New England spring, which wraps around your body like a welcome, making you almost shudder in delight, as you bid the brick structure a short goodbye until Monday morning.
People who get my name wrong
Baristas at Starbucks. Telemarketers. Checkout ladies at my local A+P. Table heads. Whoever checks us in for school meetings. People who know me through facebook. The occasional best friend or favorite teacher.
Annoying Things (dorm edition)
You attempt to pull the shade down all the way; but it bounces all the way back up instead.
You want to go to sleep; the vent in your room does not.
Waiting for the hall resident to close the door and retire
Spring term, you are tearing your hair out over a chemistry lab when you hear the sound of television coming from a proctor’s room.
Screaming faculty children going at a piñata on an early Sunday morning.
A feed is raging right outside your door when you’re on the verge of falling asleep.
The walls of McAlister seem to be made of paper.
Annoying Things (dorm bathroom edition)
Girls who think the bathroom is a mini nudist colony
Some things are left on the ground that Sandy should never have to see, nevertheless clean up.
Going in to take a January morning shower to discover the window has been left open overnight.
Vegetable supplement powder that has been poured down the drain (courtesy of the resident of room 113)
Being stuck, toilet-paper-less, in the leftmost stall
Annoying Things (technology edition)
Getting a password wrong more than two times in a row
Tweets that have clearly been painstakingly mapped out and planned.
When people say “lol” in spoken conversation without laughing or even cracking a smile
Autocorrect on iPhones
Relationship status changes on facebook
A paper that you have put hours into is inexplicably lost
People who always try to screenshot snapchats
“Your mailbox is almost full” e-mails- as if the last ten didn’t warn me well enough.
Things that make one painfully self-conscious
A dress that needs constant adjusting throughout the day
A nose that is dripping from congestion
Dry, white, exposed legs.
A recent (mediocre) haircut
Standing next to someone who is twice one’s height.
The presence of a former crush within a 10-m vicinity
Talking with a teacher who is infinitely more worldly than you
Annoying Things (classroom edition)
High-pitched noises in the classroom that the teacher, in old age, can’t hear
You lend someone a pencil then have to painfully witness him chewing on it
A teacher has been saying someone’s name incorrectly for too long to be corrected
Conversation hoarders
That one kid who always has to look on with someone else
The kid whose hand is up for longer than it is down (yes, that’s me)
Pencil-tappers
Leg shakers
Heavy breathers
Annoying people (no explanation needed)
That one friend who “never has her Greer card”
That one person who always asks questions he already knows the answers to
The friend who always takes jokes a step too far
The friend who expects you to make time for her when she never does the same
Annoying Things (Body Edition)
Nosebleeds. Fingernails that are ravaged from constant use of nail polish. Cowlicks. Continual sneezing. Dry elbows. Biting the same cheek two times. Sunburnt eyes. Chapped lips. Hands that are red and raw from the cold. Scarring from acne. Dry spots that are resistant to any kind of moisturizer.
The products on my dresser (a look into human vanity)
Cetaphil. Wei Golden Root mask. Sugar fresh. Murad Clarifying Body Spray. Clarisonic mia. fresh Umbrian clay. Clay Esthe shampoo. Ren micropolish cleanser. Señorita margarita philosophy shower gel. boscia pure purifying black strips. Naturemade adult gummies. bareMinerals concealer in Tan1. Neutrogena hand cream. Maybelline dream nude airfoam. Dove soap bar for sensitive skin. Pure grace body lotion. Nair silky sensations. Essie nail color in watermelon. Essiei nail color in maximillian strasse-her. Sephora super démaquillant yeux waterproof. Crest complete (whitening wih Scope). boscia green tea blotting liners. Brazilian 24 hours liquid keratin treatment. Murad acne spot treatment. Lorac front of the line PRO eyeliner. CLINIQUE chubby stick moisturizing lip colour balm. Hypnôse star show-stopping volume mascara. bareMinerals original powder in Tan. CLINIQUE moisture surge intense skin fortifying hydrator.
Embarrassing Things
You think that someone nice(-looking) is waving at you, and you fluster and return the favor, but he is actually waving to the person behind you
Someone points out that there is still a size tag on the shirt that you’re wearing
When someone knows your name but you don’t know theirs
You unwittingly spit on someone else’s face while talking, and then have to watch them disgustedly and pointedly wipe it off
A wipe-out on the field of ice between McAlister and the Koch in the beginning of February
Realizing you haven’t taken the price tag off of a gift as you hand it over
Voicemails left on the wrong machine
Things that can be eyebrow-raisers in other girls but tolerable in yourself
High-pitched screaming
Meaningless “Love ya” ‘s
The constant action of putting your hair up and down
Speaking the word “tan”
Plunging necklines and skin-hugging skirts
Speaking ill of a close friend
Things I wish I didn’t do
Pick at the skin around my fingernails. Get food stuck in my teeth easily. Slump. Dress too thinly for the weather. Self-deprecate. Set my alarm for five minutes later, five times over.
Things that smell better than they taste
Apple cinnamon tea.
Just mostly apple cinnamon tea.
Things that give a Pathetic Impression
The open-mouthed expression of a girl putting on mascara
The question, “Do I look Deerfield right now?”
People who are miserably inept at air-sipping
Things I should have learned before it was too late
How to pronounce colonel
The impermanence of being in someone’s favor
When proctors have to leave, proctors have to leave
Things that are a struggle
Monday mornings
Doing work during 4th period free on Thursdays
Choosing to work ahead when you could be spending an easy night in the Greer
Pushing the heavy veil of sleep away and working into the night
Things that I should really invest in but probably never will
A backpack whose straps don’t leave my shoulders red and raw
A hard cover for my laptop
Another pair of flats
A non-leaky water bottle
A Deerfield baseball cap
Learning how to use Excel
Things that feel strange
Seeing people who don’t belong on campus on campus
Hearing your voice on tape
Discovering a childhood friend has grown to be attractive
Coming to terms with the fact sometimes you’re not going to be the very best
Realizing your teacher has a life outside of the classroom
Thinking about how people in your grade are going to be proctors, cheerleaders, and varsity captains in the very near future.
Things on campus that make me miss my dogs
Squirrels
The first snow
Perfect spring days without too much sun
The feeling of soft grass underneath my toes
The smell of barbecue
The sight of Dr. Curtis and Friday
Things that are said too often (by girls)
Bitch,
Shut up!
Like,
I hate you.
How do I look,
Tan?
Go kill yourself
I want to kill myself
Literally, like,
Actually,
I love you.
I was like,
And then she was like,
And then I was like,
Oh my God.
Shut up!
Things that bring utter contentment
Cookies.
Particularly sugar cookies.
The sound of a raging storm (from the safe side of the window)
Walking to extra help on a dark night with music pounding in your ears
Hot coffee in your hands at a music-filled Albany Road coffeehouse (surprise, surprise)
“Working” outside on the first perfect spring Sunday
The prospect of seeing home for the first time in three months
The feeling of a four that is perfectly set after a start
Idling around, syncing new music to an old phone
A moment of perfect harmony and dynamics in an a cappella song
The utter chaos of Scroll layout week
The first drink of water in the morning
The feeling of your fingers laced through the fluffy coat of a well-loved dog
Things that used to feel infallible
Parents.
Things that are amusing
Counting the number of “like”s a girl says in a given period of time
Girls JV hockey
Poorly executed British accents
The question, “Are you from North Korea?”
A boy who is clearly very self-aware of his looks
The population that lives in the lower floor of the gym
Things that cause you to smile and nod
Stories about distant family members one barely knows and hardly cares about
A blow-by-blow account of a close friend’s day
Conversation about a sport you’ve watched maybe once in your life
Freshman complaints about how much work they have
How I want to answer questions
“Will you go to the Greer with me?”
Honey, dear, you are perfectly capable of sustaining yourself through a full 45 seconds of solitude.
“Do I look okay?”
You look however you want me to say you look. And anyway, why does no one ever ask, “do I look beautiful?” or “how good do I look?”
“Did you study for that test?”
No, I didn’t, because I don’t care and because nobody here cares ever about grades and all of us just laze around before the biggest test of the term in this class.
Things I thought would never change
The time I always used to have to write
My favorite color being blue
Things that are unconditional
The proctor-proctee bond
The sincere support of a mother
A fan’s love for a sport
Your desire that your baby siblings will succeed in all they put their minds to.
Things that are awe-inspiring
The last 250m of every Deerfield boys 1st boat race
The sudden clarity of everything during the biggest flash of the thunderstorm
The sight of the valley stretching away from the tip of the Rock
The expanse of flawless blue sky that stretches like a dome over campus
The smiles and cooing of a newborn child
Taboos at Deerfield
Wearing the same outfit for two days in a row (with the exception of a Sunday sit-down and the following Monday class)
Boys wearing jeans (with the exception of hoedown)
Skipping class for the sake of skipping class (with the exception of senior skip day)
Senior girls hooking up with underclassman boys (with the exception of the boy being a repeat sophomore)
Things that are Dangerous
Running down stairs with a backpack half your weight (it really will send you flying)
Heels more than 3 inches tall
Speaking ill of someone (no matter how discreet it may seem) in a public place
Wearing a short skirt on the glass staircase of the Koch
Being spotted conversing in a friendly manner with the ex of a close friend
Squirrels
Falling asleep in the bath
Hot tea in a thin paper cup
Things that make one feel uncomfortable
Involuntary solitude
You overhear someone you recently decided you liked back-talking you.
A sickly warm breeze on a sweltering summer day
People who gush over you
Friends who make promises you know they won’t keep
Things that are just gross.
The sound of someone gulping water. An unflushed toilet that no one has the courage to take care of. Finding a ‘surprise’ in the grass while walking barefoot. White chocolate after the first three bites.
Things I thought I would never grow to love
Lana del Ray. The smell of someone who smokes. Clocks that run fast. Being up to the neck in water. Mr. Miller. The American national anthem. The idea of salad. Clams.
Things I will never grow to love
Steamed broccoli. People who are more self-absorbed than even they give themselves credit for. People who speak with too many hand gestures and inflections in their voice. Head colds.
Things that are lovely
The word “lovely”
Favors done without the expectation of being returned
Favoritism- When it's in your favor
Returning to your room to discover someone has picked up your E+R for you
An encouraging Post-It on your door on one of your low days
The silent squeeze of a hand
Laughter without constraint, laughter without self-consciousness
Things that are Liberating
Crying your feelings out.
Words that are hard to say
Rural
Things that are frightening
The prospect of having to grow up
The thought of leaving Deerfield
The college application process
The proximity of junior year
When repressed feelings find their way out. All at once.
People who don’t easily get mad getting mad
How easy it is to lose someone important to you
Things that are always disappointing
Greer dances. Philly cheesesteaks. 3-quels.
Powerful motivators
Peer pressure
The threat, “Do you want to grow up to be a garbageman”
The promise of home in less than a month
The thought that you only have to go through high school once
The desire to outdo an annoying classmate
The want to be in an admired teacher’s favor
The want to invest in yourself
Things that are aggravating
A sneeze that has been on the verge of coming out for minutes
Someone who clearly wants something from you but chooses to beat around the bush
How many times we’ve had cold chocolate chip muffins as our proctor night feeds
Guilty pleasures
Being the confidant of two fighting friends
The Real Housewives of New Jersey
Half a buff chick between two periods of chemistry
Words that feel misspelled after being read repeatedly
tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree treee tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tre tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree tree.
Or maybe it’s just me.
Things that just shouldn’t be worn
White spandex. The colors of another school. College sweatshirts before all admissions results come out. Sports bras under thin shirts. Dresses that would reveal your butt if you raised your arms.
Things that get students unnecessarily riled up
Thunderstorms. Head of School Day rumors. Dress code. Sit-down meal menus. The number of times Dave Keith has spoken at school meeting. Greer dances.
Things that students don’t get riled up enough for
Presidential elections (nation-wide or school-wide).
Things that only parents show up for
JV Girls Hockey games
Things that never existed
Friends who never back-talk each other. Investment club meetings. My love for things with more than four legs.
The Dining Hall
Casual conversation, automated answers to polite questions, jackets and ties and dresses on dresses on dresses that are too short but who cares when it’s officially spring outside, and the light light is streaming in from the huge windows that reach up, up into the great cavern that is the arching ceiling of this room, this hall of students on students on teachers on first waiters who are late, last in line and struggling to carry the tray, laden with chicken or some kind of a casserole, veins straining against the skin of the arms that carry the burden of the meal and it’s called sit-down but the first waiter barely sits down before the second waiter gets up and starts pulling things away from people, eager to get it done, to get away from the table if the conversation’s been sparse or choppy, while the moment the table head pulls away from the table the shoulders loosen up, everyone’s talking more easily about how it’s easier to talk more easily about anything at all when the table head’s not there, girls picking at their salads, talking about how they “love edamame” and the passing of everything, of sploshing water and too-small servings of vegetables and rolling peas and turkey, oh that turkey’s so good, soft and tender and warm, like the yellow tendrils of light that reach down from the huge lanterns that hang from the ceiling, which you know everyone’s wondered at one point or another what would happen if they fell, onto the six hundred and something prepsters who sit under their heavy forms, fighting to get dessert, a.k.a. a chance to get up and stretch their legs and bring back their favorite cake, ah the soft fluffiness of banana cake or the crispiness of well-done apple crisp, the Deerfield version of apple pie, mushed together like we all are mushed together, yes that was a metaphor because we love talking about diversity and ‘student culture’ and the ‘student-administration’ relationship when really it’s just all a big mass of people, the sounds coming from their mouths filling up the hall, bouncing off the walls, overwhelming the ears, but miraculously dying down for the line, the never-ending line of Sunday night announcements, of club meetings on required class meetings on invitational speakers who you realize now you have to listen to speak, it’s required for your AP class, you should’ve skipped this meal and done work but oh well it’s too late and that random kid at the end is saying, please rise for the Deerfield evening song and you push yourself up and out of the chair, standing and singing with a voice strenuously controlled so that you don’t stand out too much or maybe you’re lip-syncing, half of us must be, because the senior part sounds so much softer than it did last year, and you think about the senior classes of the past years and how many of these Sunday sit-downs you’ve been to and jeez that’s a lot of time eating and listening to other people sing the senior part, which ends on a whisper but fear not, “Deerfield days are days of glory” ring out loud, true, and clear, in a sudden surge of relief that the song is over and happiness that Deerfield is two syllables and alliterates with "days," if it didn't it probably wouldn’t sound as good and good God, the crowd is starting to move and whisks you away with it, everyone waddling like the stuffed little penguins they are out of the dining hall, out into the warm breeze of a New England spring, which wraps around your body like a welcome, making you almost shudder in delight, as you bid the brick structure a short goodbye until Monday morning.